I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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