we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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