Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
do nipples grow back?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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