dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize