how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
tonight lets celebrate not being married
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
