She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
