strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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