Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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