What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
