I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
