i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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