i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
