Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
