I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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