someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
