shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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