there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
