And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
