I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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