haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
