Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
