Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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