The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
