I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
