he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
