Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
