so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
