My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
