no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just had sex on a roof
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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