FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
