Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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