I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
