Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize