Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
