i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
