Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
