Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
