Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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