I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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