a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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