first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Randomize
