dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
