well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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