i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
