just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
