I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
