yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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