We're facebook friends in real life
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
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