I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
