I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
