I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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