Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
