I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
