I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
