Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
