Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
