i think my tv is drunk
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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