Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she smelled like a LAN party
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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