last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize