You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
