Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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