she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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