hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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