Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize